I woke up this morning with my mind ablaze, laying on a couch that's more like a giant pillow you sink into and it breaks your neck. I tried to ignore the constant aching but suppressing the pain is only temporary. I try and try but it's like that nightmare that wakes you up and keeps you alert for the rest of the day ahead, but leaves you in a funk. I wake up with it and go to sleep with it. It's that boyfriend you hate. I keep pushing away the pain with copious amounts of water, pain killers and cigarettes, to no avail. This has got to let up some time. I don't have the capacity to deal with it. I just want an escape. I feel crazy, my tests and blood work come up negative for everything. There's no proof that I'm in pain at all. My mind is racing. It's easy to sleep through the day, but when night falls, I'm up. I suppose it's all the stress I'm under, I need some time to think it all out. A time when I can just ride one train of thought, uninterrupted. Finishing a thought here is difficult.
I keep waking up the same way, in pain and slightly confused as to why he's always in my dreams. I start my day the same, almost everyday. I pop a Vicodin and try to sort out the bizarre dreams I had the night before. More so, trying to sort out why I care. In any case, I'm off to try to sleep. When I wake up, he better not be in my head. It's not that I dislike the dreams or that I'm not capable of sorting the thoughts out, it's more that he simply doesn't belong there.
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