I hate the lie that our box office hits have told us, I hate that is cliché and I hate that people believe it's true! The lie that I'm referring to is that if you get out of a relationship and find someone within a few weeks, it's not real, it's a rebound. Bullshit. If you get out of a relationship and you find someone you think you'd be better with, that luck, that's a gift. I'm not saying that every new relationship isn't a rebound, some are for some people. But I'm sick of hearing that people hate it when people bounce from person to person. What the hell, honestly? I've been in five relationships, how do I bounce from person to person? Please explain it to me because I don't understand it. I was told not to "use someone to get over someone else". Really? Some of my closest friends don't seem to know me at all. I wouldn't have feelings for "person 1" if I wasn't over "ex". I'm not capable of having equally powerful feelings for two separate people, I'm not that kind of a person. People don't see that I was deeply hurt by my "relationship" with "ex" but after looking at the situation in new light, he was right, I was wrong and I really haven't wanted him back since the day I lost him. He and I just...aren't right for each other. I'd cite the age as an issue, but that's not it. He and I handle things differently, we couldn't communicate and that's a huge part of a relationship. How could I honestly have feelings for someone I can't talk to? I couldn't. I crave communication and that's not something I could get out of that relationship or that guy, it's just not how he works. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love him, he's a great guy, really funny and very smart but in retrospect, it was mere infatuation, he's not right for me and while I hate to admit it, I think I knew that all along. In regards to that relationship, I told a friend of mine that "It wasn't what I signed up for...I was looking for a Hellogoodbye song and I got a Cinemax special..." which is really...true. I was looking for intense feelings and I got lackluster fleeting moments of affection. If I had the chance to go back and change how things went, I wouldn't. Not a bit. I was honest and true, as was he, and we just weren't right for each other which really doesn't bother me. Sometimes two people just don't fit. People recently seem to believe I'll jump at anything similar to me. No. I've erased the idea I had of who I wanted, my dreams and goals as far as lovers go. Right now, I'm into someone, "person 1" and I'm really glad I'm friends with them. I'm not jumping into telling them, I want to sort out my thoughts, know what I feel and develop a closer knit friendship. In my eyes, a good friendship is the back bone of any relationship and I want to make sure, if something happens, that the back bone is there. The thing that worries me is losing their friendship if I reveal my feelings to them, and they don't feel the same. Or starting something, having it not work out and losing the friendship like what happened with "ex". I've gotta sort out my thoughts, do they make mind file folders? That would be nice, maybe the hanging kind.