TCC is starting to become a bit more of a bother than a hobby. my settings are fucked so i can't do a show tonight like i wanted to, which fucking blows. i love the idea behind it, though. it's something i can create on my own, that makes ME happy. i love doing the show, i honestly do. it's just really frustrating to switch to another platform. not only that, but i have to bust my ass to make sure i'm not stepping on a friend's toes as far as shows go, i really have to watch what i do, say, talk about and play to make sure they don't think i'm trying to be them or copy them. i'm not, for sure. what they do is what they do and i couldn't do it as well as them, even if i were to try.
on another note, i was really confused as to where i was at between "ex" and "person 1" but i'm not anymore. i want someone who likes who i am, who wants to talk to me as much as i want to talk to them and i simply didn't get that from "ex". which is totally fine, it still hurts a part of me, yes, but i'm not looking for someone i need to change. "ex" and i are good friends still, which is good. i like that. i'm happy with where i'm at with "person 1". i like that nothing is pressured and rushed, i like that we're getting to know each other. i think that rushing into a relationship dooms it. i believe the proof of this is in the history of "ex" and i. i don't want that to happen here. i'd rather not be "with" him and be good friends than have the relationship flop and have a friendship that is awkward and strained. i think friendship will always be more important to me than a romantic relationship. when i have feelings for someone, the most important thing is just having them around. pet names and "i love you"s will never beat inside jokes and endless discussions on everything and nothing. honestly, i feel really lucky to have met someone i can be so happy with, without even being "with" them. not many people get to be as happy as i am. so, i'm not sure where things are headed but no matter where it's going, i feel like it's going to be good.